k i r s t y k i r s t y :: b l o g

Whether women describe themselves as straight or lesbian, “Their sexual arousal seems to be relatively indiscriminate — they get aroused by both male and female images,” Dr. Bailey said. “I’m not even sure females have a sexual orientation. But they have sexual preferences. Women are very picky, and most choose to have sex with men.” (from NY Times article)
(Thanks to Na’im)

i discovered by accident yesterday that i have the beginnings of visible tummy muscles for the first time in my life! it’s so exciting!

Kaz Cooke’s comparison of the magazines “Army” and “Men of Allure”:

“Favourite picture caption from ‘Army’ magazine: ‘Crews from 3/9LH (SAMR) study a model as part of 12/40RTR’s counter-penetration plan.’ This accompanies a photo of some blokes standing around while another bloke draws on the ground with a stick. (This differs markedly from the photos in ‘Men of Allure’ in that the ‘Army’ people seem to actaully know what they’re doing, rather than just standing around with their scrotums out. I feel this augurs quite well for the defence of our land).”

(From ‘Living With Crazy Buttocks’)

You have to love an (almost) novelty Aussie hip hop song about the law :) 

It’s by Bullstrode Whitelocke. Listen to and vote for it on Triple J Unearthed.

Better shout out cos I’m the lawyer your mum warned you about
I push the boundaries of reasonable doubt
I never cite cases from the authorised reports,
I ignore the compensatory nature of damages in torts

I’m a Methodist like Method-Man and Garfield Barwick
I’ll make your hairs stand up like Alfalfa’s cowlick
My rhymes res ipsa loquitur but I drop them any way,
like a Spanish inquisitor with my legal communique

You got in my way, you tasted my fury, ya
should have remembered volenti non fit injuria
Australia’s not ready for what it’s about to hear
we’re unwelcome intruders like snails in ginger beer

You all just heard what fell from my brother
so don’t waste your time listening to another
fool, this rhyme represents our agreement in full
Haven’t you heard of the parol evidence rule.

I’ve got a fiduciary duty to our legal community
I’m sick of impunity in our land of opportunity
I need to bring back legal rap and some high-falutin
language coz current rap tracks our brains are polluting

Don’t think this is rehearsed, my rhymes are ad hoc
I deny liability for non-proximate nervous shock
The floodgates have opened, I know it’s a furphy
But so was the appointment of Lionel K. Murphy

Chorus

You fear me, and how I conjugate
recitals and then boilerplate
This is not barratry, this is old school law
Like when cannon and common law were joined before.

There’s no corrigenda to my deadly agenda
Your position is parlous like an unsecured lender
Get ready for the remainder of my bill of attainder
there’s plenty of pain and it’s all in the detainder

I’m an inveterate pantsman like Mr Teoh
So don’t apply a purposive construction to my flow
If you do you’ll accuse me of textual harassment
your ineffectual rhymes cause significant embarrassment

Other Law rappers give up before they start
Like Albert Bathurst Piddington, they don’t have the heart to take me on, I diss consonants just because
Like Justice Isaac Isaacs, (as he then was!)

Chorus

Excuse yourself; then recuse yourself
my flow is so confusing you’ll lose yourself
but my rhymes come from precedent ands they’re all top shelf there’s no antecedent and they’re bad for your health.

I only smoke; the best carbolic
And make Lord Denning look like he’s afraid of a frolic
of hyperbolic language to drive home my point
through legal jargon and dissertations that never disappoint

We work the private sector you know what I’m saying,
Like Verwayen (The Commonwealth v Verwayen (1990) 170 CLR 394 per Deane J), the Commonwealth just is not paying.
You’ve never met a rap advocate so perspicacious
that’s why you’re unwelcome like a litigant vexatious.

What’s good for the goose is good for the gander
and it’s seriously good like a young matts Willanders
but it is also interesting, and articulate and a
particularly erudite treatise like Gatley on Libel and Slander

I ride an omnibus everyday,
from Clapham to Murray island in the Torres straight
I’ve got juridical dicta coming out of my sphincter
I’m a force majeure I’m hard to predict

Current legal practice is in the midst of a crisis
Whither our respect for stare decisis?
Rap’s (dis)respect for precedent is a notorious fact
Much like the existence of the Judicature Act

Against my verbosity there can be no injunction
Protection of liberty! That’s law’s paramount function
Your offer you made, my acceptance was sent
My knowledge of doctrine rivals Palmer on Bailment

You’re Dennis Denuto to my William Blackstone
or Lionel Hutz to my junior Wendell Holmes
I’m the Torrens system, you’re old school patroon
you’re soon feel the pain of my doctrinal harpoons

“Don’t think it’s rehearsed, my rhymes are ex temp
your rhymes are the worst but you know that I emp-
athise I’m all about helping out little guys
a modern Jeremy Bentham I’m here to advise

like William Jennings Bryan you’re relying on tenets
You don’t represent, you’re like the senate
Our bicameral system is over the top you see
that’s why I pray day and night for Krytocracy

By popular demand, I give you Coffee-Man!

(Thankies to Ash for the picky)

OMG, this is the most nasty/hilarious song dedicated to a newly ex-boyfriend, you have to love Lily Allen:

Now listen I think you and me have come to the end of our time,
What d’you want some kind of reaction?
Well ok that’s fine,
Alright how would it make you feel if I told you that you never ever made me come?
In the year and a half that we spent together,
Yeah I never really had much fun.

All those times that I said I was sober,
Well I’m afraid I lied,
I’d be lying next to you, you next to me,
All the time I was high as a kite.
I could see it in your face when you give it to me gentle,
Yeah you really must think your great,
Let’s see how you feel in a couple of weeks,
When I work my way through your mates.

Chorus
I never wanted it to end up this way,
You’ve only got yourself to blame,
I’m gonna tell them that your rubbish in bed now
and that your small in the game.

I saw you thought this was gonna be easy,
Well your out of luck.
Yeah lets rewind, let’s turn back time to when you couldn’t get it up,
You know what it shoulda ended there,
That’s when I shoulda shown you the door.
If that weren’t enough to deal with,
You became premature.

I’m sorry if you feel that I’m being kinda mental,
But you left me in such a state.
But now I’m gonna do what you did to me,
I’m gonna reciprocate.

Chorus
Your not big your not clever,
No u aint a big brother
Not big what so ever.

Ahhhhhhhhh etc.

I’m sorry if you feel that I’m being kinda mental,
But you left me in such a state.
But now I’m gonna do what you did to me,
I’m gonna reciprocate.

Chorus

Argh! I’m so sick of super-hero/stupid cartoon animals telling kids how they should act.

The Canadian Intellectual Property Office (CIPO) has decided that what they need is a super-hero, the cringe worthy Captain Copyright to teach the kids that bullies are copyright infringers (or is it that copyright infringers are bullies).

Another case of getting to the kids early to prevent them from being under peer pressure to download movies off the net when they’re copy-happy teenagers.

I’m not certain the kids will be buying it though, it’s too corny for words.

Remember kids, if you study from photocopies of textbooks you won’t get A’s:

“Word got around that the copied textbooks weren’t such a great deal after all, and by the end of the semester the store that sold them was out of business. And we both got “As”… Thanks to Captain Copyright”

Update: Na’im’s picture of Captain Interlineation:

Oh no! You’re copyright infringing the Batman(TM) symbol!!! I think we’re going to have a fight between the super powers :P

An optical illusion that can tell if you’re an intravert or extravert? It’s a little freaky that I first looked at it half an hour ago and yet when I go back I still see green and pink when I should only see black and white :S

(I was reading through blogs that I used to read. Found this interesting optical illusion thingy from a link on Tom 7 Radar)